I loved this film-- I am deeply spiritual, but in an odd way. I don't get to explore my philosophical side very much on this site, but it's a huge part of who I am. And I Heart Huckabees really taps into that side myself.

Caterine is a nihilistic philosophical detective. She enjoys making people cry, then taking polaroids of them as they weep in utter misery. The two protagonists seek her out when they are in a deep existential crisis, and she helps them by filling them with pain and misery. She makes her two boys hit each other in the head with a rubber ball over and over. Later, one of her students is distraught by a conflict he's having with a rival-- Caterine makes her student burn down the rival's house, and she sits looking at the fire, chanting "Creation, destruction, creation, destruction" in a near-orgasmic ecstasy at the pain she has caused.

When one of her students foolishly claims he has the ability to transcend pain, she warns him: "It is inevitable that you are drawn back into human drama. Suffering cannot be diminished. You cannot escape, Tommy. You'll see. Existence is a cruel joke that entices in the form of desire." The wayward student disagrees with her, and claims he has found a technique that will make him immune to pain--- so the beautiful Caterine proves him wrong: by seducing his best friend, sleeping with him, and using that as a tool to hurt him.

I'm a lot like Caterine. Why don't I feel bad when I hurt people? Why don't I feel remorse at having done such fucked up things to my fellow human beings? Because for me, my cruelty is genuine art, one which I pursue with all the passions of a true artist. Sometimes I am in a really destructive mood, and I like to just smash people to bits, emotionally. No plan, no meaning, no thought to the consequences-- just destruction. Sometimes I wake up and as I'm getting ready, I become aware of a feeling within myself, a restlessness, and I just know that I'm going to hurt someone today. Not because I'm upset. Not because I'm having a bad day. Just because I'm feeling destructive. Maybe it will be someone I am close to. Maybe a complete stranger, like a store clerk or a guy who checks me out in a bookstore. I'll see the opportunity, and I'll tear into him, and hurt him, and laugh at him, and embarrass him. And I look forward all day to when that comes.

Sometimes I hurt people just because I feel destructive. Some days, I just want to crush a human being in the same way that kids at the beach love to step on abandoned sand castles. The last time I was at the beach, I sat and watched as kids walking along the shore would go out of their way for the chance to step on sand castles. We often hear about the human need to create, but I think the innate need to destroy is just as strong.

But my destructive nature is only part of the story. When I'm in a different mood, misery and pain is something I actively create. Like a sculptor molds clay to create a beautiful piece of artwork, I actively mold the universe into a shape to cause misery and pain. This kind of mood really is 100% a creative outlet-- I plan about it, I dream about it. Sometimes I have bouts of "sadist's block", other times I have bursts of inspiration where I wake up in the night and rush to a pad of paper to write down some insight that I know will just tear a person apart when I tell them at just the right moment. When I'm done, I stand back and enjoy the fruits of my labor, and marvel at my own artistic genius. Like Caterine, I keep souvenirs to remember the beautiful pain I've caused-- photos, letters, a newspaper clipping here and there. And when I go to buy scrapbook supplies, I always giggle at the old women who work at the store, obsessed with baby pictures of their grandchildren, and I think how disturbed they would be if they knew I'm keeping track of how I've made people cry.